Here we go AGAIN…..

So, it’s raining AGAIN in the hill country. That means several things: 

mud, wetness, mud, muddy animals, mud, wrecks, deer running amuck, mud and more mud. Detect a theme here? MUD!

Mud means filth and filth makes my mood foul with a capital F. I have mud on the wood floor, carpet, bath mats, blankets, etc…….We have a 6 month old lab puppy and he revels in mud, water, anything that gets him wet or dirty or both. So, with rain again means my brand new front porch is FILTHY, my raw wood flooring inside the cabin is FILTHY, his kennel and everything in it is FILTHY and my mood will be FOUL, FOUL, FOUL until things dry out. 

So, I asked my Principal……

How much trouble would I get into for using this instead of Elf on the Shelf in my room?

I got an uneasy laughing glance as if to say, “Are you completely insane?” I wasn’t completely serious, because I knew I would never subject this creepster to my wee ones, but I LOVE Chucky in a Chair!! I have yet to EVER (nor will I ever) see a Chucky movie, but when I see this post on Facebook I burst out laughing uncontrollably every single time.

Can you imagine walking into a room and seeing that dang doll smiling at you from afar….he even has a bit of shadow lighting on his face to add to the creepy-ness. The Elf may be creepy with his pursed lips and side stare….but he ain’t got nothing on ‘ol Chuck. Come to thinks of it……Annabelle isn’t even as creepy and Chucky, neither is Pennywise……

I wonder what my husband would do if he walked in the bedroom, turned on the light, and Chuck was sitting in my reading chair? Hmmmm……food for thought, Food. For. Thought.

When the baby shower cake sucks!!!!

Cake 1 on the left was emailed a week in advance to a highly recommended bakery with extensive phone conversations about slight changes that may happen, no Fondant use, but waves made with butter cream icing (ok), no Fondant block lettering, but simple print (ok)……Cake 2 on the right is what I picked up at 945pm Saturday night (shower began the next day at 11am). My first thought was…..Oh. Hell. No.

What part of this is not what I asked for? The size, the coloring, the lettering? Uhhhh, ALL OF IT! I could feel my inner Paminator beginning to rear her ugly head, so I left before things got ugly. Sunday morning, 7am, here I come, a tired hot mess, with Cake 2 and all paperwork showing my order in hand, including full picture, colors, print lettering, etc….I’m a, “Get your manager”, kinda gal, so I began there….you have 3 hours to fix this nightmare of a centerpiece cake. I will be back at 10am, at which time I will be collecting the corrected cake as close to Cake 1 as possible, and I  will not pay one cent toward this mistake. All the while, the gal from earlier in the week stood behind me telling anyone and everyone behind the counter, “I told her it would look different”, “I told her we couldn’t make a carbon copy”. My response to her was to take my tone down a notch, look her in the eye, and tell her that I suggest she stop talking to me at that moment.

The manager stepped in and for the first time I heard all I had wanted to hear throughout this entire fiasco, “How can we fix this?”

Long story short…..Cake 3 (under Cake 2) was ready by 1015am, a lovely bouquet was added for good measure. I hugged them both, cried, and said thank you…..a few hours later we had a happy, beautiful mommy to be opening gifts with stained blue lips after

having enjoyed a beautifully designed yummy, YUM-MAY cake…..all thanks to 2 men who still believe in providing impeccable customer service.

Kudos to Michael and Adrian! 👏

Then….There Was Mickey!

Mickey is pure unadulterated filth with a capital “F”. Dirty, greasy, thuggy, nasty, criminal, filthy, FILTH……and he needs to come back to “Shameless” ASAP!!! Look inside the criminal filthy (literally) trash, and you will find a sweetheart of a CONFUSED HOT MESS. I loved him because he showed his sweet side (if only for a second) in an environment that is mean, murderous, and unapologetic. He beat the tar out of his dad over Ian….and it was a fight for the ages. One teary eye from Mickey and I turned to a squirting mushy mess just wanting to reach into the TV and make it all better. He was the unloved who craved love, but looked for it in the WORST ways. He’s mean and ruthless, but once I realized all that was a front for a sweet human who was simply very broken having been raised by Terry and his thugs ……I quickly began to overlook the filth he spews. If I was from the South Side, I’d want Mickey on my side watching my back!

BRING MICKEY BACK!!!!! BRING MICKEY BACK!!!!!

Before Lip….There was Steve/Jimmy/Jack

He had three different names, but did it really matter? Nope, not to me. Look at him….look at him in all his luscious perfection. He was sex on a stick and I didn’t care what he called himself. So he stole a few cars, denied his affluent family, lied about his whereabouts……look at him and picture his hands on your face staring into your eyes. I’d have forgiven him anything, at any time. He never went full “Shameless” filth and debauchery, but his showing up was enough to reel me in. Shame on Fiona for not getting on the Steve/Jimmy/Jack bus and going along for a forever ride with him. BUT, he changed. He became whiny and needy and girly. It was then time to move my dalliances, because I have no patience for whiny and needy. It was time for Lip to take the babe reigns, but it all began with Steve/Jimmy/Jack ♥.

“Shameless”……

is total, complete, unadulterated filth and debauchery……and I LOVE IT!!!! Mainly thanks to Lip. He’s the dirty (quite literally, unbathed dirty) bad boy that you immediately love and want to “fix”. Initially, I though he looked a lot like Barry Manilow (who’s music I LOVE), but then, one day he suddenly became a super cool bad boy heathen. He’s intellectually brilliant and knows it, but just can’t overcome South Side Chicago (I guess that’s the bad side of town from the looks of it). You (mainly I) can see him watching you from afar and wanting so badly for you to take him in, clean him up, and make him do right. You WANT to, ohhhhh how you want to. When he cries you just want to wrap him in your warmth and love him through it all…..it’s not his fault, being raised by Frank and Monica-they should’ve been sterilized early on. On then other hand…..then we wouldn’t have the babe o’ licious-ness that is LIP GALLAGHER! Yum-may, yummy goodness with a bottle and a cig!  I cannot WAIT to see what he’ll be up to this time!

A Thanksgiving that need not be remembered……

Three, only THREE good events occurred during the Thanksgiving break of 2018. First Mabel came home from college for the first time away from home since graduating high school this past May. I cried at the sight of her coming down the escalator, to which I was met with, “Seriously mom?? Why are you crying in the airport?” Because maybe…..I MISSED YOU!!!! Second, I was able to spend some quality time with lil Martin. He’s a complete joy, so fun and funny. Third, we canceled our multi-state trip to see my father in law, sister and mother……being in the car during the events of the week would have been bad…..real, real bad. 

However, they’re the only silver lining to a VERY miserable week off. Do I begin with the flourish of a violent stomach bug? A severe case of the aches and fevers and colds? A lack of the ability to EVER sleep in, even JUST ONE DAY? It was a shit show, and I mean that in the most literal way. We dropped like flies day after day, our friends texted they were dropping like flies day after day. There is no worse feeling than to have your very best friend, at 8 months pregnant, let you know that her flood gates opened (simultaneously mind you) from the bug her family brought home from your house. Martin’s 1st birthday party was the first day of vacay…..and an extra party favor was sent home to all. Nice. The only person around not sick that came to the party was my ex-husband. Yes, my EX-HUSBAND ended up coming to my home to care for Martin while Rick and I were laid up in bed. How’s that for conversation…..he and I had to take the baby to the pediatrician as he was sick too, and I swear we looked like a middle aged couple with our late in life baby. I kept reiterating he was our grandson, for what reason I don’t know, I doubt they really cared. We all get along fine….now. Five years ago, not so much, but all is well now. It just makes for funny looks and comments when explaining how the holiday week went. No one really knows how to respond to an ex spouse being around almost daily. While the ex was in the living room bleaching toys and doing dishes, my current spouse was ill to the point of simultaneous flood gates opening, which involved numerous cleanings needed to the shower, floor, and toilet. It was an event to behold and one I’d like to never repeat.

Did I mention the lack of sleep? If you know me at all, this is where I get REALLY selfish……I value my sleep and the one rule I have during a holiday vacation is sleeping in and/or napping whenever I want. That didn’t happen, so not only did my cough and cold put me in a mood, my inability to sleep past 7am or take a nap made that mood even more foul. I am not a morning person. I have tried and tried to be one, but it’s just not in the genes. We are sleepers, I have my mother to thank for that! If it’s 9:30pm and I’m not in bed, there will be big time problems the next day if I have to be up and going by 6:00am. Pathetic, I know.

I am now back at school doing what I do best with my littles. I’m back in my lil cabin in the woods going to bed when I want, eating what I want, and watching what I want. I can burn wood OUTSIDE without being lectured about forest fires. I can let the dogs run wild until dark, and I can sit in silence until I let them back inside. Best of all, I have a new book that I love and can read uninterrupted until I fall asleep!!!! Life. Is. Good…..finally!